Healing for a ridiculed child

When I was in grade school, I lived with my mother and stepfather in the middle of nowhere, Wyoming. I was completely unaware that my legs were slightly misshapen until much later in life. I remember running with all my might up the looooooong driveway to where the school bus was waiting, and it seemed to take forever, because the wind was ALWAYS blowing, it was ALWAYS cold, and when I did get to the bus, the kids would be screaming horrible insults at me, telling me I "run like a duck" and even the bus driver telling me to hurry, that everyone was waiting for me.
In gym class, I was always the very last one to be picked for games. I did not want to be picked at all, nor did I want to play any sort of game involving a ball or running. I had a gym teacher who made me stand in front of the entire class and ridiculed me for being a "bad example" of how to do well in his class. He selected my formerly best friend as a shining example of worthiness. She never spoke to me any more after that.
Why am I digging all this up, now, at the age of 40? Good question. It could be a pathetic attempt to obtain pity from strangers. It could be to nurture self loathing and resentment. But in reality, it is something I have been reluctant to think about or focus on until I realized the other day, that it could explain my continuing resistance to anything related to physical fitness. I am in constant conflict with myself because, as I just mentioned, I am 40, and I understand that if I don't take care of my body now, while I am in good health, the risk of poor health is only going to increase. And I will admit, vanity has a part to play as well.
So, what do I want for myself after all is said and done? I want to be fit, healthy, and look good in my jeans. The only thing stopping me from doing that is my own deeply rooted trauma. Those taunting, jeering voices of my school mates, my authority figures, even my step father, although they do not occupy much of my conscious thoughts, they have laid a foundation of how I see myself physically. Now that I am aware of that, and I know what I want for myself, all I need is to build a bridge from there to here. I am going to use EFT to bring peace to that hurt child that is still inside. I will report back here as soon as I feel differently. I fully expect to be taking my 40 year old child to the gym soon, and getting into shape!

Grudges

What's the difference between having a grudge and just not liking someone?
I firmly believe that there are people who you are just not going to like. No matter how sane and peaceful you keep your life, you just cannot like everyone you meet.
There is a woman in my house right now, on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being you wish they were dead, and 10 being the love of my life, I would put her about 3, maybe even 2. She is loud, rude, disrespectful, and claims to be Christian (only recently). I think she is a parasite. My husband knows her from Mexico. The fact she is here now (unannounced and uninvited - as usual), and not leaving, is making me a prisoner in the TV room. I just dislike her that much, that I would rather stay in here with my computer, than spend any time with her uninvited presence.
Here are the charges:
She accused my favorite belt (bought at discount for $40 at TJ Maxx) of not being real leather, in spite of the stamp on the inside that says "Genuine Leather". I mean, who does that, just walk up to someone and say, "That purse/bag/shoes/etc is not real." Who asked you??? Let me continue to believe what I paid for, alright?
She borrowed my 99 Expedition for way too long. My husband lent her the car and she drove it for at least 3 weeks, the last week or so of which she was unreachable by cell phone. I was one day away from filing a stolen car report with the police when she finally gave it back. With a damaged fender. No apology or thank you, at least not to me. I don't drive the car but I'm sure the tank was probably empty too.
She comes to the house whenever she is "in the area" and invites herself in. And stays way too long, telling lies very loudly. I know they are lies because I pay attention to details, and they tend to change as the dialogue goes on. The stories are just always too outrageous, too over the top, etc. And no matter what your contribution to the conversation, she is compelled to top it. "oh you lost a kidney. well I lost both my kidneys. Yeah, they were stolen. I got one of them returned to me, though... " blah blah blah blah....
I have not one shred of fake hospitality to show her. I do not offer a drink, a seat, I could have a delicious turkey right out of the oven but I would not offer her a drumstick. It would be like giving miracle gro to a weed.
I know how un-enlightened this all sounds, how un-peaceful, un-John Lennon like of me. I am guilty. I just don't like her and I can't fake it.

Remembering John Lennon

If I was given the gift of time travel, and could choose just one time and place I would like to experience, I would without a single doubt choose San Francisco, Haight-Ashbury area, 1965. Perhaps 64. Whenever the exact beginning of the hippie migration happened. The unique time and place that never before, and never again, would be possible on this earth. The time when all was peace, love, mind-blowing experiences, and nobody could imagine any negative consequences whatsoever.
John Lennon is an icon of that age. "Give peace a chance" is just as relevant today, if not more, than it was then. John was British, but loved America with all his heart, and put himself at great expense and risk to stay, in spite of continual pressure to leave.
People seem to generally believe that you must choose to be either pro-peace or patriotic; that patriotism is synonymous with support for war, any war. John was living proof that the two are not mutually exclusive at all!
I just learned from a documentary about him, that he and I have a lot in common. We both were born to a father who could care less, disappeared, and a mother who was not mentally or emotionally equipped to raise a child, let alone raise one alone. And we both turned out in spite of all that, to be peace loving, compassionate people, although somewhat rebellious. I do believe we would have a great deal to talk about.
I think John Lennon deserves a day of recognition. I think we should remember him every year, on the date of his assasination, because that day was the end of his physical being, but it was not the end of his life.
Peace, man.