Good dog!

For the past couple of weeks, I have made a sincere change in my thoughts and actions. I have not been allowing myself to think or say anything negative about myself, my current situation, or my future. Of course, I’m not 100%, as you can see in Monday’s entry. I re-read it just now, and it does seem a little negative to refer to my new employment status as the end of my freedom. Well, I will keep trying!

I am noticing a significant difference in my emotional well being. I don’t think it is simply due to the change in circumstance. I cannot remember the last time I have had 2 complete weeks of feeling well, content, happy, and not feeling melancholy, regretful, or just sad. Now, when those old clouds start to gather, I see them coming and change my thoughts immediately. It’s amazing how much control I have over them, and it’s disturbing to think how much time I have wasted by just letting those clouds stay and stay without a fight. It reminds me of my dog. I have a huge rottweiler, who is just a sweet, loveable 4 year old puppy. When I let him in from the yard and he is all muddy and stinky, I put one of those tension spring baby gates in the kitchen doorway to keep him in his room in the back of the house. He does not have a clue that he could knock that gate down, or jump over it, like it was a couple of toothpicks, and not feel a thing. To him, that baby gate might as well be made of cinder blocks. He has never even tried to jump it or push it over. That is how I have been, all my life, with the negative thoughts and dark clouds that I let block out the sunshine, and keep me trapped in my dark room. It never occurred to me that I might have the power to remove them.

I am going to love my new job, and I am going to be a success. I will wake up early each morning without a struggle. I did it today! How about that? I can change 40 years of habit. It is up to me.

Experiencing FREEDOM

Monday. Today is Monday, my last Monday of freedom before entering the corporate rat race once again. I spent the first half of the day in bed with my husband. The interesting and unique thing about that is, the absence of guilt. Even though I had ideas about how I could make constructive use of my last free Monday, I did not do anything and did not feel the least bit guilty about it. We watched 2 war movies, ate breakfast, and then showered. I made a phone call, sent an email, and then worked at making jewelry with my friend who stopped by with some wine. Now I am back in bed, watching “The Godfather” with my husband. It doesn’t get any better than this, how could it?

What does any of this have to do with The Secret, or The Work, or EFT? I don’t know, but the truth is, I have never had such a lovely, guilt-free, lazy day in my life, and the only difference is the experimenting I have been doing with these new concepts. I even woke up early, however, I don't claim complete victory over my sleep issues because all I did was let the dog out & went back to bed, and slept until after 10. I think I could have stayed up if I wanted to, but my husband was still in bed, and we are still newlyweds, you know!

Addicted to sleep

Today I woke up with a bad headache. I have had intense headaches since I was 20, with little success identifying the exact cause, and only recently discovered what combination of drugs will ease the pain. EFT has not worked on the headaches so far, but I am going to keep trying. Today I simply took drugs. However, I do feel much better than I did yesterday. Now that my headache is gone, I have a higher than normal energy level and I feel motivated to do stuff.

I just wish this sleep problem was not such a complete mystery. Do I have a sleep addiction? Or a sleep disorder? Is there a difference? Is it possible I have had the wrong mattresses all my life? I do think sleep is an escape mechanism. If that is the case, I hope to see a change once I clear out some issues with EFT. Maybe I won't need to figure out why, maybe it will resolve itself, if it is just a symptom of something else that is out of balance.

Just to give you a little insight to the depth of my sleep issue: My earliest memories are of being taken to day care, sleeping in the car on the way there, and my mom handing me over to the lady, and going back to sleep at day care. I remember that lady having to wake me up in order to eat, and not wanting to wake up. So, when I say "all my life", I really mean it.

Give me a break

Today I did not feel like doing EFT. I did not feel like doing anything at all. The last time I did EFT I focused on waking up more easily in the mornings. Today I slept until at least 10, and as usual, and did not want to wake up at all. Later, I found myself on the couch, working on the computer, and not wanting to move.

I spent some time thinking about what I wanted to focus on, and I realized that I could not focus on anything at all. I was just apathetic and numb. So, I did EFT on being apathetic and numb. I did manage to get up and take a shower after that, and even washed dishes and made some jewelry. However, my energy level never did register above say, 2 on a scale of 1 – 10. I am not discouraged, however. I think there are many other issues I can resolve with EFT, if only I can focus on identifying them. Today is just not one of those days.

Announcing the re-launch of saneliving.org!

www.saneliving.org has just been redeployed as a dynamic Ruby on Rails website!

This means a few things. First, it's easier for me to post articles, so that means more articles will finally get posted! And secondly, it accommodates some new product & ad placements, which we haven't done before (but I won't let them overwhelm the real content, no worries).

The new site already has 4 new articles and I will be posting more tonight.

Also, look for a new exclusive line of t-shirts designed by new & emerging artists, coming soon! They will have positive messages and no company logo (I hate products with logos... and walking around with negative messages on your chest doesn't strike me as a terribly sane practice!). I am very excited about putting this together.

Please check out the site and let me know what you think of it!

Manifest success!

I have been asking “The Universe” for a job for some time now. I got laid off in October last year, and my savings are completely gone. I spent the majority of my time being either depressed, or distracted with holiday activities. In January, with the holidays officially over, depression and fear loomed large.

Something you should know about me: Even though I have struggled with depression and anger all my life, I have also always had faith. Not religion, but faith that something better is in my future.

My faith was tested during this time of unemployment. I began focusing on what I perceived as failures in my past jobs, and even began to suspect that somehow I had something to do with being laid off my last job, even though my employer made it very clear that he did not want to let me go, and that it was strictly a financial decision. My confidence was gone. However, my actions did not reflect my lack of confidence. In my job search activities, my practice was to only apply for and pursue jobs that I was genuinely qualified for and interested in. I decided exactly how far I was willing to commute, and refused to follow any leads outside that area. Houston is an enormous city, 600 square miles. It is not uncommon for people to commute for over an hour each direction to and from work. I have experienced that lifestyle, and I have made a determination that I will not sacrifice my quality of life in that way. I purchased a home near downtown for that reason.

I also decided exactly what types of jobs I would and would not pursue. If I read a job description for a position that required, for instance, Project Management certification, which I do not have, I would not even apply for it. If a job description required a skill I do not have, and if it was a skill I could not realistically “brush up on”, such as writing code in C++, I would not apply for it, even if I had most of the other qualifications. In fact, even though I have Project Management experience, I gave up on pursuing Project Management positions altogether, because I know there is too much competition from people with certifications. Instead, I pursued Business Analysis, which, after careful consideration, I realized I was more qualified for anyway. I did not see nearly as many BA opportunities as there were PM opportunities, but that did not affect my decision. I just had to look harder.

Then, when I was introduced to The Secret, I realized that I was already doing some of the things they talked about. I was setting my expectations and being specific about what I wanted. I was following through with any action that could reasonably be expected of me. And you know what happened? I was contacted by an employment agency with an opportunity for a permanent Business Analyst position, in my chosen geographical area, and the job description was a perfect match with my skills. I interviewed with the agency, and then with 4 different people from the company, and all of the interviews were absolutely painless. They were easy because the job really was a perfect match. I did not have to “spin” any of my experience, or gloss over any requirements, or dance around any tricky questions. After each interview, I truly felt that the interviewer and I both had enough information to make a sound decision. I felt no anxiety about not getting the job; I gave it over to the universe, knowing that if I was not a fit for the job, it would be for reasons beyond anything I could change.

But I did get the job! They offered me the same salary I was making at my last job, which is more than I expected, plus benefits, which I have not had in 3 years! I am so happy and excited, and I can look forward to a career starting on the right foot because there were no games played during the process. There is not one single thing that I withheld or offered that I cannot back up. The location is perfect. I feel completely validated, because they want me for what I truly offer with my business experience and education.

...

I’m going to test this EFT on a very challenging problem over the next few weeks, and I am going to post my progress here. This could be very interesting. If it works, it will change my life in a significant way, in a way that I have been wishing I could change for a long time, but it always seems beyond my control. I had given up hope that I could ever change this one thing.

My challenge is simply this: I never want to wake up in the morning. I know that probably sounds extremely trivial, and many people will identify with it, but maybe I need to go a little deeper to explain the negative impact I feel from this, so you can understand why I want to change it so badly.

I have tried alarms, putting the alarm in another room, turning on lights, going to bed earlier, but nothing seems to work. No matter how much sleep I get, I never, ever wake up feeling refreshed and ready to get up and start the day. If I was never required to be anywhere, I would probably get up at around 10:00 every day. But when I have a job to go to, say 8:00 or 8:30, I set my alarm for 6:30 or 7:00, and hit “snooze” a dozen times until I finally realize that if I will definitely be late to work if I snooze any more. I delude myself into thinking that I can shower, dress, put makeup and dry my hair in less than 20 minutes. I forget that my car has no gas in it, or discover that the outfit I planned on wearing is dirty.

I hear people talk about getting up and exercising in the morning. Are they for real? Can we possibly be the same species from the same planet? I am mystified.

I want to change this about myself. I want to be a morning person. Or at least a functional person. I want to be able to get up, even if I do still have to use an alarm, but if I could just wake up and immediately jump into the shower, the first time it goes off, every single day. Wow. Do you think it’s possible to stop this routine morning torture? Do you think I need to find out why I am this way? (I rule out physical factors simply because I have been like this all my life.) Or do you think EFT will bring the change I want so badly, simply by focusing on the unwanted behavior? Is it possible to change a hibernating bear into a morning person?

I will be following up on this. How exciting, the idea of making such a positive change!

But I LIKE wine!

I continue my daily EFT sessions. I noticed that it is difficult for me to quiet my mind enough to concentrate. I play meditative music, but I noticed that I still have to make a conscious effort to quiet my mind. It’s like a hamster on a wheel, and it can’t get off.

Anyway, I have also noticed an unexpected side effect of this therapy. Although I have not given any conscious thought to drinking, because I don’t feel that it is a problem for me, I have noticed that I no longer feel like drinking. I had never really paid too much attention to the emotion that preceded the opening of a bottle of wine, but now that it’s not there, I am able to see it objectively for the first time. I am genuinely surprised to discover that the feeling seems to be a mixture of self pity, rebellion, and anxiety. It seems that the emotional healing that is obviously happening, is having this unforeseen effect on my personal life. I am free from a somewhat destructive, definitely expensive, vice.

I had an experience yesterday that illustrated how far I’ve come with my anger. (That is the root issue I am doing EFT on. I don’t know why I didn’t just say that to begin with.) I went to the DMV to replace my driver’s license to reflect my new married name, and when I finally found a parking space in the overcrowded lot, there was a guy standing next to his truck, just sort of hanging out. Now, the old me would have honked impatiently, or at the very least, waited with building aggravation until he moved, and I probably would not have been very nice about parking when he did move.

Instead, I waited until he looked up, and the lightbulb went on that he was standing in the spot I wanted to park in, and I smiled at him. He quickly jumped out of the way, and when I got out, he apologized. I said, don’t worry about it, I’m going to be in there all day anyway, no reason to hurry! And we both smiled.

I feel like I’m turning a garbage dump into a garden. I’m clearing out all this old crap that has been polluting my spirit, and preparing for growth. EFT is the backhoe machine that I am using to remove the trash; The Secret is the seed for growth. I am already seeing how much easier it is to decide what I want out of life, and specific things are coming to the surface. I don’t have to work at it!

I have to be honest, I was a little overwhelmed by the ideas presented in The Secret. I did not disagree with any of them, I just wondered how I was ever going to focus enough to decide what I really want and go for it. What I am learning now is, I did not need to worry. It seems that the seeds were already there, and now that the garbage is nearly cleared away, they are gaining strength on their own. My enthusiasm and optimism is growing every day. My lifelong depression is lifting in a way I never knew possible. This is real. And, so much better than medication.

EFT - A skeptic's experiment

NOTE: I am publishing the first few entries I had started about a week ago, so they are back-dated. From now on, I'll be publishing them here, so the dates will be more accurate.

I have been reading about EFT over the past few days. I decided to try it today, since my husband left for a business trip and I found myself alone with some time on my hands. It took me a while to decide what to try it on first. Should I go for something easy first, just to see how it works, or should I go for some big issue and see what kind of impact might occur?

Well, true to my nature, I went for the whole shebang. I focused on a lifelong issue I have been consciously aware of for quite some time, and have had some success dealing with, but something that I was afraid I might never fully overcome.

I started with the first step, tapping on the side of my right hand, and saying the phrase out loud, “Even though I have this issue, (I stated it specifically), I deeply and completely accept myself.” The first time I said the phrase out loud while tapping, I thought, maybe I bit off more than I can chew. The tears came streaming down my face as I thought about the possibility that I could truly be free of this poisonous issue. I am convinced that it was absolutely poisoning the rest of my life, and all of the other issues I was thinking about addressing are probably secondary, side effects of the emotional poison I have been carrying around all my life.

Right now, I will finish writing this and continue with another round of EFT focused on that issue. The intensity of emotion is already subsiding a little. I can feel the healing beginning, and a little anxiety. The poison has been with me for so long, that the prospect of being free from it brings a little anxiety, only because I can’t picture what that will be like.

Amy's Pursuit of Sanity

Hi, I’m Amy and I’m going to be sharing my story here, I hope you enjoy it.

I think I’m a good guinea pig for saneliving.org, because I have a skeptical nature. I am not religious, therefore I’m not going to be evangelical, and I am willing to admit that I have issues just like most people do. I’m going to share a little bit about my issues, and I will try different self-help techniques on them and report the outcome. I’ll try to be as objective as possible.

The techniques being studied here are: The Secret, EFT (Emotional Freedom Therapy), The Work, and the Sedona Method. You can read more about all of these on saneliving.org.

I have studied The Secret and EFT quite extensively, and I have this to say about them: Even if they don’t work, even if they do not provide miraculous relief from whatever symptom or ailment I try them on, there is absolutely no harm done. I’m not out to disprove the techniques, I just have a pragmatic approach.

I have read what some critics have to say about The Secret and EFT. Understandably, they are alarmed at some of the claims made by people who say they have been healed of serious medical problems. While I do not have anything close to life-threatening, I do want to point out that in all of the material I have read, the authors always append a caveat to each success story involving serious medical problems: Consult with your doctor. Nobody is advocating the abandonment of medical treatment for diagnosed illnesses.

Some critics have nothing more to say than, it’s just another “positive thinking” gimmick. Well, fine. I have read Og Mandino, Zig Ziglar, and Norman Vincent Peale as well. However, it wasn’t until I saw “The Secret” and experimented with EFT that I really saw any significant positive change. These methods worked for me. They may not work for other people. Maybe Zig Ziglar did it for some, but not me. Actually, I think I was very young when I read that book, and who knows? Maybe that’s where my optimism came from, that has sustained me this far.

I have decided to ignore the critics, at least for now. I can’t see any harm in believing that “thoughts become things”, negative or positive, therefore I am motivated to keep my thoughts positive. If EFT alleviates emotional hang-ups, and I can smile at strangers more often, then I think the world is a little bit better.