Nobody's Fault But Mine

OK I admit it, I'm listening to Led Zeppelin on my ipod right now. I could not think of a title for today's blog that doesn't sound trite and smarmy. LZ is anything but trite and smarmy, so I took a look at the song title to see if it fit... and wow, cool! Whether I'm having a good day or a bad day, it's nobody's fault but mine. And right now I'm having a fantastic day, so even better!

My job is going very well. As you might remember, I started this job in February, and I was so close to the brink of disaster, I could look right into the dark pit and get dizzy from vertigo. That first paycheck actually brought tears of gratitude and relief to my eyes.

As soon as the gratitude started to subside, the paranoia started to get a grip on me. I knew I had 90 days in which to prove my worthiness. I struggled at first, to learn all the technical layers and processes of a new system and new application. Then, to add to a gnawing sensation of doom, they laid off a bunch of people last month. I was relieved not to be one of them, but at the same time I wondered why, and I wondered how long before I was next.

I continued getting up each day looking forward to my job, and I still do. I refused to give in to the cloud of doom that followed me and even squatted down right on top of me a time or two. I continued to read The Secret. Now, it may be a non sequitur, (religious people do it all the time, so I think I'm entitled) but I am willing to risk credibility and possibly sanity by suggesting that the positive thinking introduced to me by The Secret may have had something to do with all of this.

But wait, I am talking about much more than just not losing my job. I had my 90 day review 2 weeks ago and it went extremely well. I was thrilled to hear that my manager was happy with my progress. It took a couple of days, but I worked up the nerve to bring up the fact that my offer letter mentioned a pay increase if, after 90 days, I was doing well. Well, I was just informed this morning that I got the increase! WOOHOO!!! And there is a possibility of another increase next month when they do annual reviews for the whole company. :)

And all of this, is nobody's fault but mine!